Of Whom To Dream
- - -

Of whom to dream.

Lying upon my bed wondering of you
Wondering if you are doing the same.
Reminescing on the few conversations held
Those that made me respect your name.

Of what to dream.

Sweet soft whisperings
Leaning in to tell a secret.
Smiling at small jokes
That only we are able to get.

Notes of laughter
rolling over your delightful skin.
Gentle warm hands continue to amaze
Giggles that I can't contain within.

Patiently listening to my rambles
I feel I don't deserve your time.
Laughing at problems that suddenly seem...
Trivial. Knowing that we'll be just fine.

Contentedly sleepy again I fall
Part of this nightly ritual.
Tucked under sheets so soft and warm
Tugged away smiling by sleep's silent pull.

Of whom to dream?
I dream of you.

Spanish Class

The song fades out
The final chord lingers.
Look around in boredom
Careless with idle fingers.

Lids half shut while
tedium rots her mind.
Why was she the only one
That mediocracy could find?

Snapped up, left that place
To do what she loves the most.
It was a talent that she found
Only to herself she could boast.

Strumming with the guitar
Vibes running though her body.
Not caring a bit at all
Not even listening for somebody.

Eyes shut listening
to the beat's tempo.
Never before had the inspiration
Come at such an alarming flow...

Stress relieved just like that
With a twinge of guilt and fun.
Who said that you could judge
When it never hurt anyone?

Stood up and left the room
Like nothing out of the ordinary
Went back to the life of rules
And dazed monotony.
---

Hehehe...can you guess the secret meaning to song? Hint: I'm such a perv...its not about my personal experience...I just thought it would be interesting to write about this type of experience...and too many people on the phone talking about it.

Friendship? Part 2 
(I want to write lyrics...)

First thing I see is you.
Simple smile and simple greeting.
I turn my sad emo mumble off
And remove my headphones.

Perparing in silence
Expecting a long day
But it turns out be a happy
Carefree day with lots of laughs.

Walking clumsy hazard
That's what I feel like
I'm sorry I made it so unbearably slow
I lost my balance
And we both ended up on the ground
Laughing like there's no tomorrow.

Thank God for small favors
A simple friendship
Can make the day for me
It feels like everything is right.

The endorphines from excersise
must really be affecting me
Because I feel almost giddy...
And somewhat hyper.

Never knew anyone here socially
Never met anyone here outside
But soon...a perfect chance
Picnic on a great day
With distant friends and you.

I'm looking forward to it very much.

*Picnic reminds me of Yogi Bear!* Yes that's right, July 4th= mucho fun! Yayness!

Thoughts of the day:

Nintendo, know your roots.

If we fought wars in the nude, we'd have a lot less wars.

Please just leave me alone.

I thought friendship could work

But you keep ripping wounds

about to heal ...

Ripping them fresh and open

and pouring your vineger and salt all over them.

"My voice is muffled cause of the pillow" I say

"Oh haven't heard THAT in a while" you say

What the hell is that

I pretend I didn't hear it but it still burns my ears.

"Do you believe that was fake?" you ask

I wish it had been

because then it wouldn't hurt so much.

I feel like you're blaming me for your suicidal delusions

I can't tell you anything cause then you'll just get jealous.

I can't tell anything cause you won't understand.

Can't tell you anything cause you want to know for all the WRONG reasons.

I suspected this was coming so I kept my distance

and I was right.

Salt is burning my wounds

So much fucking drama its an ironic comedy.

You want to know so much..blah blah blah so you can be my friend

You keep bringing back old wounds

That I wish I had never gotten in the first place.

Stayed innocent yet naive and stupid.

How can I tell you anything if I don't even want to be your friend.

Now you know why I can't tell you. And you say you won't be offended.

Everything I say will offend you,

Staple a fucking Parantal Advisory sign to my forehead.

But now I'm tainted and a little less stupid. A little more aware.

Or maybe it's all been in my head

and I'm in hell.

You want to know what's on my mind?

I don't very much look forward to speaking to you.

I feel like I'm supposed to be guilty for thinking these things

but then I look back on the unbearable silence

and when things ARE spoken, they hurt even more

than the fact that you have no clue.

Or maybe you do.

Yes, you seem so good at pretending not to know things.

Well I just wasted a whole entry on a wasted subject

I tried again and again...thought maybe you learned.

Thought maybe you could relate...but you no nothing about me

and I WANT it to STAY like that

because I rather not have your friendship

if my sanity is the price to pay.

The guilt at being the reason for your suicidal dreams

The anger at you pretending

The pain at you opening old wounds

Yes some are wounds; I'm not proud of them

A lot of firsts in three months that I hate myself for.

And all have one person that is directly connected to one person.

You.

It feels like...

you jammed a plastic fork in my eye

I couldn't escape

You just kept twisting and twisting

until you punctured a hole in my lung

the air and hope escaped my body

my ambitions escaped with them

and I died.

Now I have no remorse, go ahead, comment all you want

I've made the same mistake over and over

I've given too many second chances

You say all the time that you don't care

Well this time I'll say it truthfully

I don't care.

For painful false friendships that you wish were something else.

I could get the same enjoyment

from sticking nails

into my eyelids.